It took me nearly 18 years to fully surrender to my calling as a missionary. Why? The short answer is, fear. I was afraid of missing out on the life I had planned, afraid of being single on the field, and if I’m being completely honest, I was afraid to step out in complete faith to raise support. As a single woman, the idea of leaving my job to live off of support terrified me. What if I failed? What if I couldn’t pay the bills? What if I had to move back home with my mom because I didn’t make it? But here is what I learned: fear is a liar. Fear will tell you just enough truth to make the lie feel real and I bought it. I was miserable, even though I was “safe”. But God never gave up on me. He continued to work on my heart. One day I was tired of just singing “Oceans”, I wanted the faith to get out of the boat and live the life God had called me to live.
Looking back on this journey, the first steps were actually the easiest (funny how things look in hindsight). After several months of raising support, I knew through lots of prayer and wise counsel that it was time to leave my full time job and raise support full time. In December of 2019, I left corporate America. To be fully transparent, it wasn’t easy. That job was security and this was unknown and full-time faith. The week leading up to my last day, I was a nervous wreck. I must have said, “Lord I believe but help my unbelief” a thousand times. The day dawned with me pretty sure I was about to have a heart attack. This was it. The moment of truth. The actual ‘get out of the boat and step on the water’ moment. After a day of cake, well wishes, hugs, cards, pictures, and a few tears, I walked out of my office building at 5 pm. What waited for me on the other side of that door was the most amazing peace I have ever felt. A weight I had carried for so long was gone. I wish I could describe the peace and joy I have had being fully surrendered and trusting in Him on this journey. All I can tell you is there is nothing like walking on the water!
As I continued the journey into 2020, things were sailing along. Who would have ever seen this storm coming on the horizon? As the waves of this COVID-19 storm hit, I felt myself sinking. This must have been what Peter felt when his eyes got off Jesus and he began to sink. I was, like everyone, concerned about health, economics, and the future. I was overwhelmed. There are many unknowns in front of me as a missionary in the middle of raising support- add doing it in the middle of a pandemic, and things get scary fast! However, as I continued spending time in His word and praying, the peace came back. I was reminded of every time the Lord has brought me through hard times before. I was reminded of His promise to never leave us and I know that God has never stepped down from His throne. He knew this was coming and He is already on the other side of it. Because I can rest in these truths I can have peace even in the middle of a scary storm. The only way to make it is to trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding! I don’t know how this all plays out, but I don’t have to. I just have to trust and keep doing the next right thing.
1 Thessalonians 5:24 says, “Faithful is he that calls you, who also will do it.” This verse has brought me so much comfort during this time. I know that the Lord called me to serve Him with the Native Americans, so I trust the Lord will make it happen. I know it might not look like I thought, or be in the time I thought it would be. But I also know that if I trust Him with the details and continue to be obedient, He will work it out for His glory. I can already tell you so many stories of His provision in the most unexpected ways over the last 6 weeks and I look forward to seeing what happens on the rest of this journey to the field!
You can read more about Becky’s ministry by clicking the link below.